LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX, BABY.
Updated: Dec 4, 2017
Over the past couple years, I've been asked so many questions about sex and religion and how it pertains to being a Christian. I've also overheard just really incorrect assumptions and statements made about it all. I took the time to write out my thoughts on the most popular question out there:
+ Why do some young Christian women have sex while others choose not to? Can you just talk about sex in general as it relates to Christianity?
I think this is absolutely awesome and cool because questions like this spark a conversation and it allows me a platform to talk about what the Bible says and then what I personally think about it all. Sex has always been such a taboo topic, especially in the church, and in turn has allowed for there to misunderstanding between what the Bible says and then our actions. So, I'm stoked to be writing this.
To start, I don't want anyone, man or woman, to feel shamed or judged for their decisions - this is not what this is about at all. However, if you consider yourself a Christian and are engaging in sex before marriage, I would challenge you to ask yourself why and then have a heart to heart with God about it.
Let's start with talking about what the heck sexual immorality is. When we look at the word without any context, sexual immorality generally refers to acts such as adultery, prostitution, incest and the like. In Scripture, the Greek word for sexual immorality is porneia which translates to almost exactly the same thing but it adds sexual relations between unmarried individuals to the list. But why? Personally, I think it has to do with 1. the culture and society at the time that the Bible was being written but also 2. I think that all God wants to do is protect his children.
Just take a sec and think about this: other sins like stealing, lying, or anger are sins that people commit outside their body towards other people but sexual sins are the only sins that a person commits that is against their own body. God created us in his image and he values us more than the birds in the sky or the ants crawling around on the sidewalk. He loves us and wants the best for us. God was the inventor of sex and he made sex to be pretty darn amazing (from what I've heard) but he created it to be this amazing thing between two married individuals. As a believer and as a child of God, I can look at this and think, "Yea, it makes total sense - 100%." But as a young woman, it can be really hard. Growing up, my mom used to explain it to me like this:
"Isabela, there are probably hundreds of things out in the world that are great and fun and are actually not bad things at all. For example, drinking. Drinking isn't necessarily a bad thing- in fact I love it - but if you drink before you're supposed to, it can have a negative impact on the way you develop and behave. That's why there's the rule of the minimum drinking age being 21 years old. The same can apply to driving. Driving is so much fun and can be so stress-free but if you don't know how to drive or are too young to fully comprehend what it entails, it can cause accidents and people can get hurt. Drinking is not bad and driving is not bad but when people drink or drive before they are 'allowed to' it's just not safe."
Let me tell you - eleven year old me got it. This clicked in my brain. And the older I got and as the number of friends dating and having sex began to grow, I understood - sex before marriage (for me) just wasn't worth it. I was listening to a sermon by Levi Lusko called "The Problem with Pineapple" where Pastor Levi looks at the way God intended sex to be and as believers, do we honestly believe in it. It was one of those sermons that makes you look inward at yourself and really makes you think about the way you've been living. Super convicting man. Because it was such a great sermon, I am going to do my best to summarize some of the points Pastor Levi went over because it 100% applies to this question.
A couple lies the world tells us about sex:
1. Sex is just a sexual activity.
When we talk about sex just being a physical thing, we're not technically wrong. It's an honest articulation of a secular humanistic perspective on sexuality. If we're all just a bunch of super smart monkeys, wearing underwear and meeting in coffee shops, then consensual sex isn't that big of a deal, right? Like who cares? But when we dive in God's word, the one who invented sex, He tells us that sex involves people on the deepest, most vulnerable possible level and that just cannot be taken lightly. (peep 1 Corinthians 6:16) Even when we look at the Old Testament to our buddies Adam and Eve, we read that the two became one not in a physical way but in an emotional and spiritual way. Sex between two people is more than just two mammals joining together, it's a soul, heart, and mind thing, man.
2. I can do what I want and have what God wants.
Paul put it like this in Galations 6:7-10, "Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others - ignoring God! - harvests a crop of weeds." This same idea applies to everyday life. If I am consistently sinning and disobeying God, I cannot receive blessings. You reap what you sow. What you put into the ground is what is going to come out of the ground. I have seen so many young Christian men and women talk to me about why they decided to engage in sex before marriage and the number one response I receive is this: "Well, Isabela, please don't judge my journey. Worse case scenario, I'll just ask for forgiveness later and all will be well." Yes, God will always (and I mean always) forgive you NO MATTER WHAT but that does not justify your actions. His grace and love are never ending and that is the awesome thing about Him but He wants us to do good. What's even better? If you're in Christ, He's already forgiven you for things you haven't even done yet *mind currently blowing* BUT there's a difference between forgiveness and consequences. God is capable of so much more than just constantly forgiving you for things that you know you shouldn't be doing. He wants to shower us in blessings and use us to be a reflection of Him. The devil's goal is to make sure that we don't know that our desires can keep us from our destiny and although it may seem like a pretty basic thing to know, it is the hardest thing to accept and remember when you're in the middle of a situation where your desires seem pretty darn good. (peep Hebrews 12:16)
3. I've already messed up so there's no hope for me.
This statement is the number one lie the Devil will consistently whisper in my ear when I've messed up. Personally, it's the line that will break down every ounce of confidence that I have and make me instantly forget who God says I am. There is always a second chance. Always. Levi Lusko peeked at the story of Samson in Judges chapter 16 and used verse 22 to remind us of second chances. Just like in time, Samson's hair grew back and with it his strength, in time we heal and we grow. In Samson's weakest moment, he was able to take out more Philistines than ever before. What the world sees as our biggest weakness and our biggest flaw, God uses for his kingdom. Don't ever think that you're "too far gone" to change or start over.
So to answer your questions as to why some young women have sex while others are waiting: I think it depends. I have decided to stay abstinent until marriage because 1. God commanded that as young men and women we stay away (or try our best to) from sexual immorality and 2. I think that in order to shine my light for Jesus the brightest, I need to be different. My only mission is for people to look at me and see Jesus and if I can do that by not having sex until my wedding night, then that's what I want (and am so so excited) to do. If you have any more questions about what I wrote or just want to express your thoughts on it, shoot me a message!